Myth-Gotten Gains m-17 Page 3

  "But, which rumor, dear?" Kelsa asked, switching her attention to him. Her face changed from scales to steel, but the glasses were still in place on her now razor-sharp nose. "Did you hear the one about the Cup? He was said to have been offered as a prize in a school games day competition. That one is true. He was won by an eight-year-old Klahd for the twenty yard dash! Second place! He sits on a shelf between a collection of toy soldiers and a box of stale Milk-Duds. He's livid! What a comedown for the goblet that held the Wine of Peace between the Comdails and the Lenoils of Perosol!"

  "Not that," Ersatz said.

  "Or — here's one that made me laugh — I'm supposed to have been secretly transformed into a bowling ball in the Imper League Championships!" Kelsa let out a trill of laughter. "Picture me rolling down a lane toward a group of clueless pins to score a mere ten points."

  "I can, no problem," I growled.

  "About the rest of us, Kelsa," Ersatz urged. "I heard that the others are being stolen one by one, by a collector!"

  "Oh, that" Kelsa said. "That's not nearly so amusing as the one I picked up the other day from the ether. You just wouldn't believe it! I hear that the ring is living in…"

  "That's the only one I want to hear about, Kelsa," Ersatz interrupted her.

  "But it's so dreary!"

  "Reveal it!"

  The globe sighed, seeming to deflate slightly. The face inside stilled, and the eyelids dropped halfway over the round blue eyes. The turban on her head got fancier, and the stone in the aigrette started to glow bright gold. The eyes started to change size, one growing huge while the other shrank, then shrinking as the other bulged.

  "The treasures of the ages shall reunite again," Kelsa intoned in a spooky voice that made the skin on my back crawl. "The seven golden ones shall be gathered again by a green hand. When allies stand at odds, fortune shall favor the one who casts them to the winds of chance. An enemy pursues closely, eager to foil happiness! The eternal dance must be set again in motion, led by a duo from two worlds. Ah! Lives may be lost! Fates will change! Disaster will fall upon the heads of the masses! Dentek up two, Porcom down a half, Scongreb unchanged in heavy trading…"

  "A green hand! That must be you, Mr. Aahz," Ella said, beaming at me. "You are meant to put the Hoard together!"

  "All right, that's it," I said, disentangling myself from the slippery cloths and scrambling to my feet. "I've had it. All I promised to do was get Ersatz here together with his girlfriend so I could get my money back. Forget it. I'll call it a bad debt." My face felt hot. I needed to get out of there before I trashed the place out of sheer temper. Ten gold pieces lost! I smacked the scabbard down on the table and stalked toward the door.

  "Nay, Aahz," Ersatz protested.

  Ella rushed to intercept me. She put a hand on my arm. "Oh, won't you please reconsider, Mr. Aahz," she said, fluttering her large eyes at me. "It's not often that one is asked to become an instrument of fate!"

  "I don't care if you want me to be lead saxophone in a jazz quartet," I snarled. "I'm outta here."

  "…Lakers 32, Bulls 98…aaiiiieeee!"

  "Stop her!" Ersatz's voice rang out.

  Ella and I spun on our heels. It took me a moment to figure out what was wrong, since it seemed as though the lights had gone out. The crystal was gone!

  "After her!" Ersatz shouted. The blue eyes reflected in his shimmering blade were wide with anger.

  "How'd she get out of here?" I demanded.

  "The green wench!"

  "What green wench? Where'd she go? How'd she get out?"

  "Up there, caitiff," Ersatz said. I followed the direction his eyes were pointing, up the wall to the single window in the room, twenty feet above the floor. Its small wing casements were open, and the light muslin curtains fluttered in the breeze. It didn't look big enough for anyone to have entered that way, but clearly someone had. "She slipped down like a wraith. It was the work of a moment to smother Kelsa in a cloth to still her outburst, then up again, all without making a sound!"

  I may not have my magik at the moment, but I can sense when it's been used. This was not a hit and run. It was a surgical invasion, quick, precise and disturbing nothing more than it had to. This was a professional theft.

  "Is anything else missing?" I asked Ella.

  "Well, I don't think so," the Orion said, peering around with her big, glowing eyes. "There shouldn't be. This is exactly what she predicted, after all."

  "She did? She predicted this?"

  "Oh, yes. She said she'd probably be stolen before she could finish telling you the prophecy about the Golden Hoard," Ella said. "And that's exactly what happened! I'm so pleased!"

  She wasn't going to be any help. I ignored her and surveyed the room for clues.

  "Did you leave that window open, Ella?" I asked.

  "Why, no. It's so difficult to reach. I rarely use it. On the outside, it's a sheer drop of thirty feet to the ground. My goodness, this is exciting!"

  "Exciting?" I asked.

  "Was it locked?" Ersatz asked.

  "Forget that," I told him. "Any good thief worth his salt, or in this case, hers, wouldn't be stopped by a little latch. Come on." I grabbed him up and ran out. The chances of spotting the thief were vanishingly minute, but I had to try. Ella's voice rang behind me.

  "Kelsa told me that there would be some slight hiccup when the two of you met again, but I had no idea it would be now!"

  I jogged down the steps of the whitewashed house and around the corner into the alley that the window overlooked. As Ella has said, it was a steep wall with no handholds in sight. That would be no problem for a professional. Whoever it had been must have run off over the adjacent rooftops, which were so nearby that anyone could have made the jump unassisted by magik.

  "Have after her at once, Aahz!" Ersatz demanded. "Wrest Kelsa from her grasp! I must know my fate!"

  "Forget it, Bub," I said.

  "What?"

  I peered around, hoping to spot something that would give me a clue.

  "I know a few professional second-story operators. They only work alone after dark. Usually during daylight they've got at least one lookout, maybe some hired muscle close by. I'm not going to dive into a trap. We're going to take this nice and easy."

  "But she will be far away by now! Possibly in another dimension."

  I met the sharp blue eyes on the blade. "If she could have magiked in and out without coming in the window, she would have. Nobody takes chances like that unnecessarily, and not for free, either. Speaking of which…" I opened my hand, as if about to let Ersatz fall in the gutter in front of Ella's house.

  "Anything!" the sword said. "I will offer you a further reward, good Aahz."

  I grinned. "Nice to see we're on the same page. All right. Let's see what we're dealing with. You're the sole eye-witness to the crime. Describe our perp. She's green. What else?"

  "A well-shaped wench, or so many of my wielders would have described her. Tight garments, and yet they did not restrict the movement of her limbs, of which there were only four' two arms, affixed at shoulders to an upright torso on either side of the base of the neck, and two legs, affixed likewise, to the bottom of said torso. Musculature endoskeletal…"

  "Cut to the chase! What dimension does she come from?"

  "Oh, that. Well, then, good friend, she hails from that most fascinating of places, where dimorphism is of an extreme, in inverse character to many species for whom the female is the larger of the two in order to better conceive and carry offspring, a comparison that is something apposite in this case since the females are readily fond of mating…"

  "What is she?" I bellowed, my voice ringing in the quiet street.

  "A Trollop," Ersatz said. "A most limber one, like many of her species. A denizen of Trollia…why do you break into a smile? Is that good news?"

  "Did I ever tell you," I said, unable to keep the glee off my face, "that I don't believe in coincidences?"

  Chapter 3

  IT TOOK A wh
ile to search out the local hostelries that served demons, but with a few threats and a couple of small coins to help spur memories, I got the names and locations of ones where a Trollop might hang out, if she had just finished a successful job and hadn't left Ori yet.

  'Demon' doesn't mean 'terrifying monster from hell' as it does to races in backwater places where advanced magik and science are unknown — all right, it doesn't ALWAYS mean that. It's simply a shorthand way of saying 'dimensional traveler,' like myself and countless others who have the means of hopping in between locales at will. That's not to say that when we land in some places we're not considered to be terrifying monsters from hell. Some of the uncomplimentary descriptions I've heard of my kind have been enough at times to make me lose my temper, and anyone you ask will tell you that doesn't happen too often. That is, if they know what's good for them.

  The inns where we tend to congregate have a few things in common, such as a magikal link to the Bank of Zoorik, off-dimension newspapers, a host of mercenaries and other be-ings-for-hire, and a hot grapevine where gossip, rumors and job offers are mixed up with the local news. They're not always friendly or comfortable places.

  The first demon bar I visited had all the charm of the waiting room in the Bucharest airport. No one was there but a couple of loudly-dressed Imps hanging over a table in the corner drinking up the proceeds from the day's sale of snake oil to the locals. The second had just been raided by the Perrt Constabulary to haul away a drunken Ogre and the angry Salamander he'd ticked off. There wasn't anything left to sit on. All the furniture was smashed or burned, and the Orion proprietor was curled into a furry fetal ball in the corner behind the ruined counter.

  We struck lucky, as I could have guessed, in hostelry number three. Even though the lights were pretty low I could see that the place was crowded. Hardly an Orion was in sight except for the bartender and the barmaids who swished their abundantly furry tails playfully around the patrons. Conversations, furtive or fueled by alcohol, were going on in every part of the big room. I walked in with Ersatz displayed in plain sight on my hip, golden hilt and gems glinting. I nodded to a couple of Deveels playing Dragon Poker, and cleared my throat.

  "Yo, bartender," I called. "A table for me and my sword."

  The elderly tabby Orion polishing bowls and glasses glanced around, then nodded toward a rickety two-top in the corner near the stairs. Every eye in the room followed me as I sauntered over and plopped myself down in a chair. Within moments, I felt a saucy tickle at the fringe of my right ear.

  "Surprise," a voice breathed. "Is that a hand-and-a-half in that scabbard, or are you just glad to see me?"

  A pair of lips planted themselves firmly on mine. When I could breathe again, I gasped out, "Tananda."

  My old associate and even older friend backed away and smiled at me. "In the flesh, tiger."

  "This is she," Ersatz said, "down to garments she was wearing when she sailed down the cord in Ella's study."

  "How nice of you to notice," Tananda purred.

  I let my eyes wander up and down Tananda's body. You can't say that female denizens of Trollia don't know the meaning of the word 'modesty,' but you might decide after having met a few that they have no use for it. Her attire was not only suitable for slipping in and out of small window casements, but for displaying those charms for which Trollops were so justly famous. Her tunic dove low at the top and reached high at the bottom, leaving just enough cloth in place over delectable flesh so as not to leave a trail of stunned males behind her as she walked down the street. Her skin was green, as were her tumbled locks of hair. It all made a very nice package.

  "Fancy meeting you here," I said. "Have a seat, babe."

  "I thought that was you I saw in the fortune-teller's," Tananda said. The lithe oozing movement that settled her into the chair opposite mine caused a dozen males in the bar to let out a breathy sigh. I gave them a glare, and they hastily went back to their drinks. "There aren't a lot of Pervects on Ori, and none I've seen with your dress sense. What are you doing here?"

  "Trying to help a friend," I said. "What about you?"

  "Oh," Tananda said, running her finger through a few drops of liquor on the tabletop, "I've got a little job."

  "Lifting the crystal ball from a psychic isn't exactly your usual high-level handiwork," I said.

  "Visiting one isn't usually on your calendar, either," Tanda countered, with a sweet smile. "Let's stop talking as if we don't know one another. That wasn't an ordinary crystal ball. I have information that says it's part of the Golden Hoard, along with a sword that looks a lot like the one you carried in here. So, let's talk."

  I could tell by the look in the one eye visible over the torn scabbard that Ersatz was going to put his two cents in, so I flung up a hand to forestall him. "Let's not start spreading any rumors we can't squelch."

  "Fine. I'll show me mine if you show me yours." Tananda grinned lazily at me.

  "Promises, promises," I said, grinning back. "Excuse me while I whip this out." I slid the blade about a foot out of the sheath so both of the reflected eyes were visible. "Tanda, this is Ersatz, just like in the legend. Ersatz, this is Tananda."

  "My pleasure, my lady," the sword said.

  "Mine, too," Tananda replied, giving a little wave of her fingers. "So, what's going on?"

  "We need that crystal ball back that you lifted. My friend here has business with it."

  "You can't have it," another female voice said, in a strange accent. "It belongs to me, now."

  I looked up. A lithe figure was suddenly standing next to Tanda. Where the Trollop was curvy, this girl was aerobics-instructor wiry. Where Tanda's hair fell enticingly all over her shoulders, the newcomer had her sleek black hair plastered down against her head and bullied into a shining knot at the nape of her neck. The rest of her face was a sharp, narrow beak, over which a pair of large, dark eyes regarded me. She looked a lot like a stork, or maybe an ostrich. She was wearing a tight tunic, abbreviated to show her navel, if one had been visible through the covering of feathers on her midsection, and loose trousers that cut off just below her knees.

  "Who are you?" I growled. Instead of replying, the girl lifted her prominent proboscis proudly.

  "Aahz, this is Calypsa," Tananda said. "My new partner. This place has a translation spell operating for demons."

  "I heard what you said," Calypsa continued, her big, dark eyes gleaming. "That is Ersatz, the Great Sword."

  "In the steel," I said.

  "What do you want for it?"

  "Not for sale, babe. He's an independent contractor. In fact, we're working together at the moment."

  "But I must have it!" Her eyes flashed again. They were pretty nice eyes.

  "No can do. The sword owes me money. We're together until he pays me off. You got a hundred gold pieces?" The girl's eyes fell. "I didn't think so."

  The gaze lifted and battened onto mine. "You must understand. I must bring together the greatest treasures of the ages. I need them all!"

  A little alarm bell went off in my mind. I met Ersatz's eyes, and I knew he was thinking the same thing I was. The rumor was true. Someone was collecting the Hoard. So, I asked the only practical question.

  "Why?"

  With the same kind of silken glide Tananda had used, Calypsa poured herself into the remaining chair. The movement looked totally different performed by the two women. Tananda seemed to be careless and sexy, but she had set herself up so she was on guard, ready to spring into action if there was trouble. Calypsa was focused, the energy of her motion aimed directly at me. If she'd been a missile I'd have been spattered all over the bar.

  "It is my grandfather," she began. "The greatest dancer in any dimension, the great Calypso."

  "What's he need with a sword and a crystal ball?" I asked. "I don't think there's a pair of shoes in the Golden Hoard."

  "Once such footgear tried to join us," Ersatz began, "but we chivvied them hence. They were not so much of utility in the courtly art as t
hey were mundane covering for the nether extremities, which the gold did not become…"

  "Shut up," I interrupted, without taking my eyes off Calypsa. "Your grandfather did what?"

  The proud head drooped. "I come from Walt. It is a peaceful dimension — or I should say, was."

  "Yeah, Tootsie, I've been there. Peaceful to the point of boring!"

  "Maybe before," Calypsa said. "That was before the evil Barrik arrived!"

  "When was that?"

  "Ten years ago. I live in a town called Pavan, at the curve of a major river just north of our largest port. At first we made no note of the castle being built on the hillside that overlooked the river. All of our lords like to have large domiciles so that they can host parties and dances. All Walts love to dance. It is in our blood. It is the source of our magik. In fact, a major rhythm was named for our dimension. Have you ever heard of Walts' Time?"

  "In passing," I said. "Get on with it."

  "We thought nothing of it when the castle grew to encompass the entire mountain top. It was made all of shiny black granite, which we considered an odd color choice, but we were more curious that we never saw anyone working on the building. We believed the stones must be shifted at night by giant elves, or something. It was a puzzle. I myself sneaked up there often as a child, but always when I arrived, the elves had left the building."

  I groaned. She gave me a puzzled look, and explained. "There was no one there. Yet the walls grew daily. At last, it was finished. We of Pavan waited to be introduced to our new neighbors, and hold a welcome dance in celebration. Weeks went by. They never emerged. No one answered our knocks at the great wooden doors. We left invitations on the step to our own humble village dances. No replies. We began to think that our neighbor was antisocial. But how antisocial we had no idea! Henchmen like huge, evil birds began to emerge from the castle. They swept down upon our humble homes and captured the finest dancers in the city. Sometimes we would find them again, wandering lost and dazed in the fields, their feet bloody. Barrik had commanded them to dance until they dropped! Their choreography had been inexorably altered. They were never able again to make the magik they had before, such as the Dance of Sowing, so the crops would be healthy, or the Dance of Precipitation to bring the rain. We were all fearful of being swooped down upon and carried off."